Change

I believe everyone has a secret and opinion to share. There is no solid right or wrong opinion, just the matter whether it is appropriate, acceptable or otherwise.

I do believe that everyone will eventually change. No one can ever sticks to a concrete characters, feeling, behaviour or opinion forever. One will ultimately change from bad to better, better to best or sadly even good to bad.

 

Someone who you missed the most may not even think about you.

Someone who once cared you the most may not heeded you ultimately

.

Someone who you trusted the most once, may be the one who breached it.

Someone who you hated the most yesterday may end up to be the one who you missed today.

Someone who once was your friend may end up to be a stranger to you. 

 

Someone who was once your foe may became your best friend unexpectedly.

Someone who used to be so mean may be the one who you can rely the most.

Someone who once you loved with all your heart may be the one who started all the hatred.

Someone who you ignored once, may be the one want the meet the most

Someone who once the one that made you happy, may be the one who always hurt your feeling

Someone who once shared everything with you, may started to keep secrets from you now

Someone who once always beside you, may already have someone better

Someone who once you always be waiting for, may not even shown up today

Don’t expect too much from someone else, we may be the one who are sad at the end... 

 

Life is all about uncertainty; undoubtedly we will never know what will happen tomorrow. We may have planned everything perfectly and no flaws can ever happen. Yet, we can only plan, but God will decide it. We must believe God only want the best for us, He knows what we don’t know. We may expect something we like is good for us and likewise, yet God knows more than that.

.................................................................

I believe everything will never be the same forever, despite how bad we want it to be. Some people do not understand how important it to us and some do not know how to appreciate what they have until they actually lose it, worst; some not even know what to do with it when there is a chance. 

 

Dear friend,

It has been a while we didn’t see each other. Last time, I was very sad when we said our farewell. I almost cried but still pretended to be strong coz I have faith that we will meet again. Sadly, now everything changed in a blink. You are no longer the one that I knew, the one I felt long to see, the one who always encouraged me and the one who always told me to stand up whenever I fell. 

 

I never blamed you coz I knew that everyone changed and once they did, they would never be the same. I was grateful to be given a good friend as you once and I regretted that I never really tried to appreciate you. But, now I knew how it felt when losing someone we loved.

Maybe I was wrong for judging you like this, but I could feel it. I’m sorry if during our friendship, I did hurt your feeling but I didn’t realize it, maybe I didn’t pay attention when you needed me the most, maybe I wasn’t there when you called my name. I’m sorry for all those. Despite, everything has changed, I will forever and always keep you in a special place in my heart, best friend forever.

I'm happy having u guys, yet I'm pity u guys for having me

Another Journal

29.11.2009, Thursday

It was the SPM’s week. I was sitting alone in the surau holding a thick biology book. The green cover had tear apart, not because I was studying too hard, perhaps because I didn’t wrap it with the plastic wrapper. I looked into page by page but with no intention to read through them. I was thinking where all my friends were. I griped a pencil and started writing something in the book, an empty space between the countless words.

“Huh, life is not a plain sailing. A few days to go!! NO.....! What life would be after this? Only God knows... Pray for my success, friends...Thanks!”

05.07.2011, Friday

Somehow, Alhamdulillah, thanks to God. Life afterwards wasn’t as scary and bad as I expected. A good financial support enabled me to study in a city called Sunway. All these while I have been travelling to the northern side, now I was going to the eastern side of Malaysia. I was able to meet very caring, joyful and inspiring good friends. They portrayed to me a different perspective and angle of life and open a gate to a new world of friendship.

Of course there were good and sad moments together. However, I kept the sweet moments in my heart and just forgave and forgot the bad ones. 

 

Today.....

It is back to uncertainty. I have passed two stages in life and about to enter the third one, indeed everyone will. Honestly, I really missed my friends in college’s life. Yet, life must go on. Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave and impossible to forget. Once again...pray for my success, buddy! Thanks 

I'm happy having u guys, yet I'm pity u guys for having me

Hardship to cherish

I believe everyone has incredible and inspiring stories to tell and hoping there is someone to listen to. Stories about courage, hardship, survival and truly they are memorable and worth to be listened to.

It was my dream to go to an island and have a great time there. Yet, I never expected it would ever come true. I went for kayaking around the Pangkor Island under the hot blazing sun for 5 hours, jungle trekking climbing up 3 hills in Pangkor within 2 days while carrying a massive bag in my back, plus all the leeches that were hungry for blood, camping beside the beach for two nights, hardly starting up fire for cooking, struggling in setting up the tent...all these I did together with my other 13 companions in Out Bound School (OBS) in Lumut. Who could ever believe we were able to accomplish all these, honestly it was tiring and hard, yet we proved that nothing is impossible.

I have never been to the open sea before, but during kayaking I was very near to the edge of the water. I could see that the water was green, it was deep, wavy and I could feel it was cold, and the sand was white, seeing sea cucumber and jellyfish for the first time...it was really a magnificent experience.

Jungle trekking and climbing hills were really really tough and tiring. It was hard if you have to climb at the same time carrying a huge load on your back. The hills were steep and slippery beside habituated by lots of leeches. But, reaching the top was a gratifying moment. Somehow, walking down was not as easy as expected, it was slippery and it was getting dark.

Truly, it was not the destination that was crucial, but the journey.

Undoubtedly, there is no easy way to gain something we want. Some may already give up when they do not get whatever wants the most and hoping that things will be getting better by itself, naturally. Sadly, that is not happening. Ultimately, we are the one who feel sad and in grieve. I believe we have to give a bash despite we may feel that it is not really giving any effects, yet bit by bit may eventually blooming a good result. Perhaps keep on trying is better that giving up easily. There is no easy path to gain something, we may have to wade obstacles along the way, we may fall sometimes, yet we need the strength to go back up again, we may feel disappointed....but we must believe something better will happen eventually.

We made it!

We conquered those hills!

OBS rocks!

The hall!so nostalgic...

It was really a wonderful and memorable experience. I was able to tie a new friendship; meeting with my old friends from Sunway...I really miss them a lot. May we see each other again one day.

I got the Ob spirit, up in my head

Deep in my heart, down in my knee

I got the OB spirit all over me, all over me

All over me, today eh...eh

Hopefully we will be somebody in the future.

LOVE

Everyone has questions in their minds, some may still seek for answers and some may be unsolved. Something is puzzling in my mind...like a masterpiece that hard to be solved

Sometimes I wonder what people would say about me at a glimpse, when they not even know me. And I wonder what they think of me after knowing me thoroughly. But, I wonder the most what a girl would expect from a guy. Some may say “I’m not good enough for her” “Who am I if compared to him” “Why they would probably like me, there is nothing special in me”

Everyone will probably want the best for them. Truly, a good girl is for a good guy and otherwise. I believe a girl will seek someone not only based on the way they look, but more than that, perhaps, a special and unique character in someone. Everyone can be kind, caring and sweet with someone they love, but not everyone can make them feel protective and happy. This is what I meant with a unique and common character.

I wonder what is the unique characters in me??

I’m not a guy who is good to lead, but I always try to be a good follower

I’m not a guy who is good to console, but I always try to be a good listener

I’m not a guy who is good to share, but I always try to be tolerance

I’m not a guy who is good to talk, but I always try to mingle

I’m not a guy who is good to protect, but I always try to be helpful

I’m not a guy who is good to be happy, but I always try to smile

I’m not a guy who is good to laugh, but I always try to be funny

I’m not a guy who is good to be nice, but I always try to be kind

I’m not a guy who is good to be what you expected, but I always try to be myself

I’m not a guy who is good to be sweet, but I always try to be a fulfiller

I’m not a guy who is good to be compared, but I always try to be like him

I’m not a guy who is strong, but I always try to be perseverance

I’m not a guy who is good for you, but I always try if you give me a chance

And I’m sorry for not able to be the one everyone have always dreaming  of. I’m just an ordinary guy with a lots of weaknesses and I’m still learning to be a better one. I just know that I’m not good guy. Perhaps, I should wait for someone who is able to see the unique characters in me and accept who I really am...perhaps one day.

I'm happy having u guys, yet I'm pity u guys for having me

A Journey Back Home

Everyone has a story to tell: A voyage full of laughter and joy.

Right from the beginning, my housemates had been begging ( not really actually ) to go to my hometown. However, I kept on insisting. Perhaps I thought there was nothing much could be done in Sekinchan, accept for the majestic view of the paddy fields, nothing else. Somehow, eventually, I agreed.

The night before, we kept on reminding Faris, the main driver to depart at 8.00am plus having breakfast. He did turn up sharply at 8.00am, yet I was still packing my stuffs and Fateh was sleeping, ya...my fault for not waking him up. Finally at 9.30am we were off!

Yup, thank you very very much! I hope you guys enjoy your short visit to this remote town. Sorry for any inconvenient. Hopefully, inshaallah we will see again, looking forward for that! 

My peaceful hometown :) 

This cute thing carried us all the way to Sekinchan~ good job!

My small little home 

Faris, me and Fateh...

View in front of my house

My kampung's name..haha

Broad empty road...

The irrigation system..cool rite?

The calm beach...

Scenery.........

Harvesting machine`Mesin padi we called it..

Hope you guys enjoyed coming to my small quite town...

Last moment together...

A ship that will never sink, friendSHIP...

My beloved bag

I believe everyone has a story to tell, regardless is sad, happy, exciting or problematic. Some need someone to share their happiness, anxious, worries, and why is that? Why people can’t just keep it to themselves? Just a simple answer will do, because sharing brings people together.

I also have a story to tell. A story to my brand new life.

Despite all my sad posts about life being distressful, sad and challenging. There was silver lining in every cloud. I did learn a lot; principles in life, true friendship that I never felt before, obstacles that were there to guide us to be a better person and someone that you could rely on whenever you were at the bottom of the life-wheel. It made me be very very happy and grateful, indeed.

I was very very grateful to have tremendously nice, caring and understanding best friends to be aside me, facing the hardships in life. I always prayed that God would bless me with good friends, and He answered me. Alhamdulillah... I didn’t really know how to describe them in words, yet they were the most awesome friends that everyone would probably dream of. All the sad and joyful moments that we spent together really caused me to miss them badly. I was glad and happy to have them as my friends.

We spent most of our times together, sharing stories that really made us extremely close and understanding each other in our unique ways. Certainly, I gonna miss all those moments. :’(

So I’m writing this letter to you, with a hope that you will understand

....................................................................

Dear my beloved friend,

No one would ever predict that we would be a very best friend at an instance look. No one would ever know that we were meant to be a very special friend. Yet, sooner or later we would probably realise. I was really grateful and happy that the fate chose us to be together, as you always said that God had a plan for everyone.

Sometimes I felt that I have wasted my valuable life by being sad and jealous over stuffs that I should be grateful of. Maybe it was still hard for me to realise and appreciate something while we had it, rather when it gone. But, you never tired and stopped reminding me about it.  Indeed those moments that undoubtedly brought us together. It was the moments that made us to openly telling what exactly we felt. Shall I call it as fate?

I was sorry as sometimes I  got carried away by my own thinking. My mind and feeling deceived me, indeed. I was just my habit not to think about others feeling, others concern, despite the fact that you would always be there for me. I was really grateful to be given a friend like you. I promised you that I would try to be happy in life and try my best in everything I’m going to do.

Now, we had come to the end. I felt really sad. Honestly, I would be missing you a lot. The friendship that we had was very special indeed. I will never forget you and hopefully you would also remember me. Please do keep in touch. Please take a very good care of yourselves, your health, you will always, indeed forever be my best friend. :’)

Truly with love,

Pjul

My beloved accounting classmates & Miss Esther

My joyful economics classmates & Mr Nedu

Some of the A1 classmates-love you guys!

Sue Yinn, Stephen n me lol :))

Gonna miss u guys :')

Till we meet again

We are different

We all always have a story to tell ...

Obviously, there is much type of people with broad personalities around us. Some are unexpectedly sad, unreasonably happy, and successively moody and lots more. Frankly, I’m not really good onto understanding others, consolidating and actually know what they are thinking...daa I’m not a psychic, obviously... 

Yet, some people can be very patient to others, despite I may think that the fella a bit annoying, unpredictable... I do really respect them. This is something that everyone should learn, to be a very good listener.Basically, this is all come from love, care, sympathy and putting yourselves onto others’ shoes.

Imagine you are a type of person who always requires people attention and care. You always rely on your best friends to be there for you, lending a hand, understand how you feel. Suddenly, another person comes, a person that possesses a similar character as you are, and really hoping an attention from your friends, what would you feel? Do you mind sharing? Play a role as a caring and understanding noble human being? Hard isn't it?

Plus, you are the one who always begging for sympathy, suddenly has to spread joy and happiness.

I believe different person has his one unique personality, regardless it is good, bad, noble, annoying or irritating. We have to accept them just the way they are. Yet, some bad characters cannot be retained in oneself, for the sake of one’s future.

Some may be born with silver spoon- parents are well enough to fulfil their desires, financially. Others may have to face difficulties in their lives- struggling to gain whatever they wanted.

Some may be neglected- Bad upbringing, less love and care is given. Some may be badly spoiled- cultivating bad character and bad influences cause them to be self centred, for instance.

They are all human being that once had a pure heart, it is just they are using it makes all the different. Every child needs the basic element of life, LOVE, CARE, SYMPATHY, JOY, SADNESS, ATTENTION, ANGER, and JEALOUSY....Indicating perfection in human creation. 

We need each other to live.

Sometimes we may feel that is it hard to accept a stranger in our life, a stranger that comes out of nowhere, jump into our circle of joy- as I call it...Just give him a chance, a hope...soon we will realise that he is the one that was meant for us, soon you will discover the two of you are truly something to each other, you share your thoughts and feelings so relaxed, so openly, and right away you know your friendship is truly meant to be...

whatever you give to life,

it gives you back,

the hatred which comes out from you will someday come back to you

love others, and love will come back to you...

Last days of A Level, last breath of college life...really gonna miss it very very much.

Remember~

I'm happy having u guys, yet I'm pity u guys for having me

disappointment......again

15.11.2011-the day I shall remember forever

At first I’m not feeling like writing on this blog today, as I describe it as the worst day ever. Yet, I think I should share something that might keep you all as a warning next time.

First, do not lend your limited money to someone you barely know, chiefly to your 5-minutes friend, as I describe it. I think I shared it before my experience, lending money to one African guy-liar shall i call him-claiming to be brother in Islam; helping each other depicts an honourable act but magically vanish with my RM400 worth of money. Well, accidentally I met him while I was walking to the mosque on one fine Friday afternoon-after millions idle phone calls were made by me...

He: Excuse me, is this the way to Sunway Pyramid?

Me-Tremendously shocked momentarily: Yes.....and I remember you! You are the one who borrowed 400 ringgit from me!

He-Pretend to deny strongly: Are you sure, am I the right person? You are not mistaken? Who’s the name of the guy borrowing your money?

Me: Hafiz-as I was told last time

He-good actor: no, my name is Hakim... I think you got the wrong person. Is this the way to Sunway Pyramid? - Technique to change topic I guess...

As he was really damn good with his acting, just let it be. Hakim? What the heck! Hurm...

Well, despite you may look kind, good, and kind-hearted, never let other people to take advantage on you. Be wise. You should ask for identification card or so called ID or anything that enable you to claim your money in the future-Oh God, how come I never thought of that before!

Besides, today has been a very very bad, disappointing and devastating day for me. Just imagine that you have been working really hard, burning the midnight oil every day until you fallen asleep on your table or on your chair, memorising the subject that suppose to be understood, skip important dinner or lunch just to have extra study hours, yet ending up making the most silly mistake that would ever been made by a humankind-forgot to answer the exam question correctly due to recklessness not reading the instruction carefully-what could be worse than that!

Plus, this exam is really, tremendously important that will certainly decide your future, yet you spoiled it...

What actually happen was, I forgot to answer another one essay for my economics paper-resulting a total of 25marks gone!-yup, just like that! Now, my hope of getting A already crushed into pieces, and still gasping for a B.

I was very sure that I only need to answer only one essay-nope, I was totally wrong! I wish I had the power to turn the time back...but, yeah....that was not possible.

Yet, thanks a lot to my mates that lighten up some hope that I can still get a B, thus Inshaallah enable me to fly...Thanks a lot mates!

Well, study hard and smart for your exam, be hardworking.....but, know your exam format well! ~END OF CHAPTER ONE-hopefully there is no more coming chapters...

I'm happy having u guys, yet I'm pity u guys for having me

Learning to be a better person

Someone may ask you, college life compared to high school life, which one is better?

Me? The best of high school life was during the 3 weeks of SPM period. That was the time; I was really closed to my friends. We had all the freedoms that anyone in a boarding school would look forward to. No long schooling hours, stayed up late, release tension by swimming in the forbidden swimming pool, that initiated me to learn how to swim.. first time celebrating Hari Raya Haji together, coz the raya was in the middle of exam week, went out at night without permission...well some were caught, despite we were in the midst of SPM, I could hardly feel any tension or distress. Yet, the sad part was to say goodbye.....

But, college life is lots more exciting, fun, new, different, adventurous, inspiring and memorable. I may not have the desire to seek any freedom as I’m free to do whatever I want yet, college life thought me a lot of stuffs. Mingling with a broadly diversified people, wading variety of hard circumstances, experiencing lots of sad and joyous times, discovering great friends.. these added colours to my dull life. Initially, I was really a shy and timing person when came to mingling and mixing around, yet Alhamdulillah all the nightmares were not as bad as before.

In life we have a lot of ups and downs, but never give up.

....................................................................

 “I always think that we should not be too happy in life. I presume that too much laughter, cause us to forget who we really are. We may tend to do something wrong or hurt someone else. Yet, in the contrary, being sad may remind us to the extent of our

limit. However, I think this is a wrong principle, I guess.... isn't it?”

Someone taught me....

In life we should be spreading love and hope. Put God at the first place, others second and yourself afterwards. Your friends or even those who are close to you may feel despair or losing hope and even sad sometimes, try to put yourself in their shoes, be a good listener or console them. Tell them whatever you wanna hear if you are in their position. 

If you can’t, your present there is sufficient to indicate that you are care.

Some may afraid that by putting other before oneself, is not a win-win situation. Perhaps we are the one crawling on the floor gasping for hope and no one care, yet that surely will not gonna happen. I’ve seen those who inspiring others are the one that the others care most. This may sound really hard and seem like a huge accountability, but there is no harm of trying right?

Try to accept others just the way they are. We may hate someone coz they are annoying, irritating or any other reasons. Yet, in fact we are imperfect. That are their weaknesses, and we also have ours. If you want others to accept your weakness, why you cannot do the same? It seems unfair. Try not to start hatred in your heart. I know it may seem really hard; indeed it is... it is best if you can evade it. Indeed, I also hated someone and frequently I tried to avoid him, tried not to eat with him, be around him....but he kept on showing up. So, I know how it feels to love someone that you hate.

But, I’m learning to be a better person.

I’m learning to be closer to You

I’m learning to put hatred aside

I’m learning to put myself in other’s shoes

I’m learning to avoid sadness and despair 

I’m learning to appreciate others

I’m learning to love others

I’m learning to show care and concern

I’m learning to communicate easily

I’m learning to be grateful

I’m learning to accept others just the way they are

I’m learning to stop being jealous

I’m learning to heal myself

I’m learning to abandon bad habits

I’m learning to cheer up others

I’m learning to built long lasting friendship

I’m learning to be more discipline

I’m learning to learn from mistake

I’m learning not to judge people

I’m learning to share

I’m learning to explain what I’m feeling

I’m learning to light up hope in myself

I’m learning to be myself

I'm learning to smile

I'm learning to be positive

I’m learning to be abstinence

I’m learning to be more careful to whom I’m lending my money! haha

I’m learning to flee

I’m learning to be like you.... And till now, I’m still learning...

Dear Friend,

Every time I hold you I begin to understand, that everything about you tells me you're my best friend. I believe there is no distance too far between best friends, for friendship gives wings to the heart. 

Healing, a simple act of kindness brings such meaning

A smile can change a life let’s start believing

And feeling, let’s start healing

Heal and you will be healed

Break every border

Give and you will receive

Hearts in the hand of another heart and in God’s hand are all hearts

An eye takes care of another eye and from God’s eye nothing hides

Seek only to give and you’ll receive

So, heal and you will be healed