An emo post

Story behind these smiling faces...

I wish...

I wish I can study abroad.

When I was a little boy, I had a dream of going to another country. I wanted to know how life would be there.

In high school, the school always engaged in numerous international programmes involving students exchange, visit by international schools and even organising events internationally. Yet, I never got the chance to be part of it. Sometimes, I questioned myself of why I wasn’t chose? Maybe I wasn’t a school prefect indeed or was I not good enough?

However, currently being a scholar totally a blessing for me and I’m deeply grateful for it. My teacher once said “half of your leg is already in, and what you need to do is to pull the other one. All you need to do is to study hard, that’s all”

I hope it is as simple as that...

Many of our seniors in fact were failed to pass the requirements. As the consequence, there were only two choices; appeal to study in local universities or being terminated from the contact which led to the full payment of the loan. Most of them ended up in the second choice...

Thus, I’m hoping that everything is a plain sailing for me, yet A Level is not an easy course. My failure to gain all A in previous AS exam makes me to start doubting myself. I often think it is too tough for me. I tend to be sad whenever I cannot answer questions. In fact, A2 is lots more challenging...

How my parents gonna pay the burden? I wasn’t born with silver spoon.

Local? How about my dream? Plus if I’m lucky enough...

Besides, even now I’m still waiting for my offer letters to come. Every day, I check my email waiting for any respond from the universities, yet none. Do they reject me?

And I’m still hoping...

"And I can't stand the pain,

And I can't make it go away,

No, i can't stand the pain!"

I'm hoping...

I hope I can be happy.

A glimpse to my high school years, I hardly worry so much about study. I never cared if my friends were better than me. I remembered once in my class, there was a group of students who always finished their math homework as fast as lightning. Meanwhile, I and my friends were always the slow one discussing on how to solve the questions. But, I didn’t care!

Yet, in college life everything seems so different. The world is upside down.

My teacher always says, “It is jungle out there”

I started to feel jealous of others, in fact they were my best friends!

Distraught...

Sometimes I felt deserted and think that I wasn’t at the same level as them.

Whenever they were discussing, I tend to be very quiet. I felt really sad.

When they were talking they seemed so happy, compared when they were talking to me.

“Why no one care about me? They all are really smart, while I’m the only one here like a stupid guy gasping for sympathy”

............................................................................................................

Sometimes, I said to myself

“Pjul, you’re so pathetic and I feel pity for you”

My happiness is like a dying flower. Hardly survive. The strong storm, devastating drought, destructive flood and drying land...force it to succumb. Just let it dies rather than keep on suffering.. 

Just let the sorrow wins

I'm tired of struggling..

............................................................................................................

Was this how I valued friendship?? 

Life??

I may look happy whenever you met me... yet deeply inside...

It is just that I never tell others. Indeed, I’m such a secretive person. I hardly tell anyone that I’m sick, sad or anything. I accept other people decision as long as others are happy with it, despite it hurts me most.

But, my behaviour speaks everything. They always noticed.

They asked. But I hardly answered them. They comforted me and tried to make me felt happy. However, it didn’t last long. A few days later I was backed to the sad mode.

Maybe it is true; it is just that I’m blind inside...

"When someone laughs too much, even on stupid things, be sure that person is sad deep inside,

When someone sleep a lot, be sure that person is lonely, 

and when someone asks about you, despite that person may be busy, be sure that someone loves you"

I'm really sorry if all this while my acts, sadness, despairs are hurting someone

I'm really sorry...it is just that I'm not trying to be happy...I just don't know how.

"we enjoy warmth coz we have been cold. We appreciate light coz we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy coz we have been in sadness"

"Does I'm too naive? People can just deceive me easily, step on me? Recklessly trusting people 100%?"

I'm sick of this life

I just wanna scream,

how could this happen to me?

I just pray..........

I prayed this friendship will last forever

Despite of all the sadness, despair, failure, distress, I’ve cultivated a strong bond of friendship here. Now, there are only a few months left for us to be together enjoying our blissful moments, sharing sadness and joyous each other.

I hope this grieves will fade away

I hope I’ll be in theirs remembrances

Please don’t let me feel alone

Hopefully I’m not the only one who care

I hope I’m not the fool one...

I know that we suppose we be happy as this toughest course eventually going to end, yet at the same time I feel sad as we’ll be apart from that day onward.

Yet, that is a fate. Separation is a norm in human nature. Thanks guys for the awesome years...

My best friends

I have a lot to say 

About my best friends 

They have always been there for me

When in need

I don't know what I would have done

Without them in my life

They are kind 

Loving 

Caring 

Here by my side 

For the good and bad 

We shared a lot of 

Laughter 

Along the way 

We hold each other’s secrets 

Deep in our hearts

Never shall they be said

Never shall we turn against each other

Always will be here for them

And they will always be here for me

Thank you very much...

Indeed, look at someone who is less fortunate that you rather that those who are more so that you won’t make light of the blessings given by God.

O' God, please guide me to be your grateful servant...

I'm happy having u guys, yet I'm pity u guys for having me